...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dicks are not precious.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
