Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
