im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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