marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
