I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
