i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
