hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So here I am, sexting at work.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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