Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
