you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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