So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
