Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
