Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
