trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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