then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
