i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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