So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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