God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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