love makes seman taste better
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
