Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
