my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize