he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
