Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
