This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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