Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
