Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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