it's too hot outside to masturbate.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
