If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
