It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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