I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
