Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
