Michael Bay diarrhea
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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