this just has baby written all over it
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
