Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize