it hurts more in the daytime
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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