Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
