im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
