just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have aggressive nipples.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
