I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
