So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
