I seem to have left my pride at pride
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
