It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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