theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
please come you make the beer taste better
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
