Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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