Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
