i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
