The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
