Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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