Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
