guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
