babies were throwing up all over the place
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
