Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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