I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
