my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
