Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
