I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
