Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
