I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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