Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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