on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
