Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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