Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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