I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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