Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
