He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
