Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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