I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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