He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
