you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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