i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
