I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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