If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
