You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I need to align my fucking chakras
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
