honey bunches of taint.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
