so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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