I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
