and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
These tits shall not be calmed
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
