I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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