I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
