He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
