Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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